A young seminary student went home for Christmas break. A horrible snowstorm stranded the regular minister in another town. The leaders of the congregation asked the young man to substitute for the regular minister.
The young preacher started his sermon by explaining the meaning of a substitute. "If you break a window," he said, "and then place a piece of plywood over the hole -- that's a substitute."
After the sermon, a well-intentioned woman wished to compliment the young man. As she enthusiastically shook his hand, she said: "You were no substitute. You were a real pane!"
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight. Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet.
Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug asked, "Why did you put up such a fight?"
To which the man promptly replied, "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe."