One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her backyard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.
An officer was sent to her house to investigate and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye.
"Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked.
"No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."
1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
2. Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.
3. Never make fried chicken in the nude.
4. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.
5. Make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later start all over again.
6. To hang up more clothes buy bigger door knobs.
7. Sweep the room with a glance.
8. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
9. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby cre ating a romantic atmosphere.
10. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.
The fellow was being sold a very cheap suit. "But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm," he complained.
"That's why the suit is such a bargain," the sales clerk explained. "Just pull your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this."
"But the right leg is way too short," argued the customer.
"No problem," the sales clerk answered. "Just keep your right knee bent a little at all times, walk like this, and no one will notice. That's why this suit is only thirty dollars."
Finally, the fellow bought the suit, pulled his left shoulder into the air, tucked the suit's left lapel under his chin, bent his right knee, and limped out of the store toward his car. Two doctors happened along and noticed him.
"Good grief," the first doctor said to the second, "look at that poor fellow."
"Yeah," answered the second doctor. "But doesn't that suit fit great?"