A priest was talking to a group of kids about "being good" and going to heaven.
At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
"Heaven! Heaven!" yelled little Lisa.
"And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the priest.
"Dead!" yelled Little Johnny.
Top 5 Signs You Probably Should be Exercising More:
Your five-year-old walking shoes look brand new.
Underneath that pile of cobwebs is your rowing machine
That gym you signed up for has reported you as a missing person
You've switched from wearing belts to bungee cords.
You're got winded just reading this list.
Joe: "Say Moe, I'll bet you $10 that I can prove to you that I'm not actually here."
Moe: "Not actually here? That makes no sense."
Joe: "Well then, I'll prove it. Am I in Chicago?"
Joe: "Am I in New York?"
Joe: "Am I in Hawaii?"
Joe: "If I'm not in any of those places, I must be somewhere else, and if I'm somewhere else, then I'm not here. I'll take my $10 now, please."
Moe: "How can I pay you if you're not here?"