misc jokes
Favorite this joke Our favorite restaurant has a waitress whose name-tag reads "Beautiful".
"Is that really your name?" I asked her.
"No," she admitted. "But if people are going to holler at me all day, I can at least be called something I like."
Kenny, a city boy, moved to the country and purchased a car from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the car the following day. The next morning, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The car broke down."
"OK, well, just return my money to me," Kenny said.
"Sorry, can't do that," said the farmer. "I already spent it."
"OK then, just unload the car," said Kenny.
"Whatcha gonna do with it?" asked the farmer.
"I'm going to raffle it off," Kenny replied.
"You can't raffle off a broken-down car!" the farmer exclaimed.
"Of course I can," replied Kenny. "Watch me. I just won't tell anybody it doesn't work."
A few weeks later, the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "So, what happened with the car?"
"I raffled it off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00," explained Kenny.
"Didn't anyone complain?" inquired the farmer.
Kenny proudly replied, "Just the guy who won. So, I gave him his two dollars back."
Nothing is impossible...
Actually it isn't, I have been doing it for years!
Lord, grant me the strength that I may not fall, Into the clutches of cholesterol.
At polyunsaturates I'll never mutter, For the road to Hell is paved with butter.
And cake is cursed and cream is awful, And Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Beelzebub is a chocolate drop, And Lucifer is a lollipop.
Teach me the evils of hollandaise, Of pasta and globs of mayonnaise.
And crisp fried chicken from the South, Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth.
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