misc jokes

A not-so-smart person walks up to the counter and says: "I'd like a cheeseburger, fries and a diet coke."

The man behind the counter says "Look around! This is a LIBRARY!"

"Oh, how silly of me." says the person. She then begins whispering, "I'd like a cheeseburger, fries and a diet coke..."

A visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the Moscovitz Auditorium. He was quite impressed with the architecture and the acoustics. He inquired of the tour guide, "Is this magnificent auditorium named after Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar?"

"No," replied the guide. "It is named after Sam Moscovitz, the writer."

"Never heard of him. What did he write?"

"A big check," replied the guide.

One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her backyard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.

An officer was sent to her house to investigate and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye.

"Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked.

"No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."