A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.
The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."
The new man asked, "What happened?"
"One day Riley reported his credit cards missing."
What does a pirate say on his 80th birthday?
"Aye, Matey!"
A family was traveling from Ontario to Winnipeg Manitoba and while driving on the highway they saw a sign... CLEAN WASHROOMS AHEAD.
By the time they got to Winnipeg they had cleaned more than 1000 washrooms.
Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a listing of some of the lesser known relatives:
The really obnoxious brother - Please Gogh
The brother who ate prunes - Gotta Gogh
His dizzy aunt - Verti Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking - Wayto Gogh
And his magician uncle - Wherediddy Gogh