misc jokes

An awning broke away from a building.

Maybe now I can call it an offing???

"Suppose," says the old salt of a sea captain, testing his new recruit, "that a sudden storm springs up on your starboard side. What would you do?"

"Throw out an anchor, sir," says the new sailor.

"And what would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"

"Throw out another anchor, sir," the raw recruit replies.

"Now," says the captain, "a storm springs up forward of the ship. What would you do this time?"

"Throw out another anchor, Captain."

"Hold on, hold on. Where are you getting all these anchors from?"

"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir," replied the new recruit.

He got to keep his job.

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a white bag on the seat next to Sally.

"What's in the bag?" asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the bag and, smiling, said, "It's a box of chocolates. I got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, "Good trade."

Two guys find three grenades and they decide to take them to the police station.

One asks, "What if one explodes before we get there?"

The other replies, "We'll lie and say we only found two."