misc jokes

"This hotel stinks!" a guest complained when he showed up at the front desk to check out.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I got no sleep. Every 15 minutes this loud banging sound woke me up!"

I apologized for the noise and checked him out. A few minutes later, a couple showed up. Again, I made the mistake of asking how their stay was.

"Terrible!" they said. "The guy in the next room was snoring so loudly that we had to bang on the wall every 15 minutes to wake him up!"

Wayne was returning home from a business trip, bags in hand, and slowly making his way to his vehicle in the crowded airport garage. Suddenly a large dark car screeched to a stop in front of Wayne, and the driver pointed menacingly at him. "Get in," the driver ordered. "I'll take you to your car."

Startled, Wayne took a step backward. "Ah...no thanks," he answered. "I can get there myself."

"No!" the man barked back as he threw open his passenger side door. "Get in!"

Wayne's eyes now darted around the garage, hoping to find a security guard.

Just then, the driver's face softened. "Please," he said, "I've been driving up and down for two hours. I can't find a space to park, and I want yours."

Two men are out fishing and they are having great luck. They are catching so fast, they have to go back early.

"This is so great," says the first guy. "We should mark the spot so we can come here again."

"You're right," replies the other guy who then dives over the side and paints a big X on the bottom of the boat.

They head back to shore and just as they're about to dock, the first guy looks at the second and asks, "But what if we don't get the same boat next time?"

Two people walk into a gas station.

The first one says, "These prices are awful. They just keep going higher!"

The second replies, "It doesn't affect me at all. I always put in just $20 worth."