misc jokes
Favorite this joke I was in a job interview the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure.
I said, "No, but I can perform Bohemian Rhapsody!"
A man is buying a suit from a local tailor. "I need to warn you," he says, as the tailor is taking his measurements. "That I won't be able to pay for this suit for three months."
"That's quite all right, sir," the tailor replies.
"By the way," the man asks, "when will it be ready?"
"In three months."
A man is shopping for a fishing pole at a small fishing and hunting shop; he chooses the largest fishing pole and goes to pay, upon which noticing that the shop owner is blind. "Pardon me, sir," he asks. "How much is your largest fishing pole?"
"Ten dollars," the shop owner replies.
"Thank you," the man says. As he reaches for his wallet, the man accidentally knocks the fishing pole off of the counter; as he bends over to pick it up, he farts loudly and embarrassingly. The man slowly stands up with his face bright red, thankful there were no other shoppers in the store and hoping the store owner didn't notice.
As the man places the money on the counter, the store owner says, "That will be twenty dollars, please."
The man looks perplexed. "But I thought it was only ten dollars."
"That's ten for the fishing pole," the store owner replies. "Five for the duck call and five for the stink bait."
When the wealthy businessman choked on a fish bone at a restaurant, he was fortunate that a doctor was seated at a nearby table. Springing up, the doctor skillfully removed the bone and saved his life.
As soon as the fellow had calmed himself and could talk again, he thanked the surgeon enthusiastically and offered to pay him for his services.
"Just name the fee," he croaked gratefully.
"Okay," replied the doctor. "How about half of what you'd have offered when the bone was still stuck in your throat?"
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