misc jokes

I saw a pen in a store the other day. I picked it up and took a look at it because it was prettier than most. The clerk said, "It's made in Germany."

I said, "That's too bad, I can't use it then."

The clerk said, "What's the matter? You don't like German pens?"

I said, "No, that's not it. I just never learned to write German."

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.

The first one says, "Well, my dad runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow."

The second one says, "Ha! You think that's fast! My dad's a ball player. He can throw a ball and be there before the ball lands on the ground."

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says, "You two know nothing about fast. My dad is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45."

Three lifelong buddies (one not so bright) were returning from a day of mountain biking in the Rocky Mountains. The not so bright buddy was in the back of the truck to better enjoy the mountains.

Heading around a rather tight turn, the truck veers off the cliff and plummets into a lake just below.

After just a few seconds, the two buddies in the truck cab break the surface with a gasp of air. To their horror, they realize their not so bright companion was still under water and they both immediately dove down to rescue him.

They pulled him to the surface and after a coughing fit asked him why he hadn't swam to the surface. With an annoyed look on his face, the not so bright buddy says, “I couldn't get the tailgate open!”

My friend came back from Las Vegas once. He told me the slot machines are easy to win big at.

He went to town in a $10,000 Nissan, left in a $360,000 Porsche. 

I thought, "Nice, I'm going to get in on that." So I left for Vegas in my $15,000 Toyota. Came back in a $800,000 vehicle. 

A Greyhound bus.