misc jokes

Sign outside a farm house:

FRESH COW MANURE FOR SALE!

A filled bag - $5
Fill your own bag - $1

Car owner: "Were you able to get my car started?"

Mechanic: "I'm afraid not, sir, the battery's flat."

Car owner: "What shape is it supposed to be?"

Joe: "I've heard about your wit."

Moe: "Oh, that's nothing."

Joe: "Yeah, that's what I've heard."

Not long ago I met the waitress of my dreams.

About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said, "Ma'am, this potato is bad."

She nodded, picked up the potato and smacked it. Then she put it back on my plate and said, "Sir, if that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know."