misc jokes

A Latin man goes into a department store looking for a specific item of clothing. But he can’t find what he’s looking for and he doesn’t know the English word for it.

So he grabs a salesperson and says, “Tienes calcetines?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what that is,” the salesperson says.

The guy tries again. “Medias?” he asks, miming pulling up socks. The salesperson brings him to the trouser section. “No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero medias, calcetines,” he says.

And so it goes for nearly 30 minutes. Finally, almost by accident, the salesperson leads him to the sock section.
The Spanish guy, excited, points and shouts, “Eso sí que es!”

The salesperson’s jaw drops and he says, “Well, why didn’t you TELL me you knew how to spell it?"

A government committee was formed to investigate the emergence of Ireland as a world financial power.

After months of study and deliberation, they determined that it was due to the fact that the country's capital was always 'Dublin'.

A man on his deathbed is telling his friend his final wishes.

Man: "I have two final wishes."

Friend: "What are they?"

Man: "First, I'd like my remains scattered over Disney Land."

Friend: "And second?"

Man: "Second, I don't want to be cremated."

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all times. The engineer chose fire, which gave humanity power over matter.

The physicist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the power over space. The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over symbols. The mystic chose the thermos bottle.

"Why a thermos bottle?" the others asked.

"Because the thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and cold liquids cold in summer."

"Yes -- so what?"

"Think about it," said the mystic reverently. "That little bottle -- how does it know?"