misc jokes

The farmers almanac has predicted a much colder winter than normal.

I have been observing squirrels and they are collecting more nuts than normal.

Which makes me wonder where my 3 cousins have disappeared to???

A woman walked up to an elderly man rocking in a chair on his porch.

“I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long, happy life?”

“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a month, eat fatty foods and never exercise.”

“That’s amazing,” the woman said. “How old are you?”

“Thirty-six."

A man goes on a business trip to Liverpool during the course of which he has to make a long journey by taxi. During the journey, the driver decides to break the monotony and says to the man, “Do you like riddles?”

“Oh yes,” says the man, “I think so.”

“OK,” says the taxi driver. “Try this one: ‘Brothers and sisters have I none, but this man’s father is my father’s son.’ Who is it?”

The man tries to work out the puzzle but in the end says, “No. It’s no good. I can’t do it. Who is it?”

“It’s me!” says the taxi driver. “Think about it!”

“Oh yes!” says the man. “Very good!”

The rest of the journey passed in silence. A few days later the man is back home again where he decides to try the riddle out on a friend.

“Do you like riddles?” he asks his friend.

“Oh yes!” says the friend.

“Right!” says the man. “Try this one: ‘Brothers and sisters have I none, but this man’s father is my father’s son.’ Who is it?”

The friend thinks and thinks and in the end says: “No. it’s no good. I can’t get it.”

“Ha! It’s easy!” says the man. “It’s a taxi driver from Liverpool!”