Lord, grant me the strength that I may not fall, Into the clutches of cholesterol.
At polyunsaturates I'll never mutter, For the road to Hell is paved with butter.
And cake is cursed and cream is awful, And Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Beelzebub is a chocolate drop, And Lucifer is a lollipop.
Teach me the evils of hollandaise, Of pasta and globs of mayonnaise.
And crisp fried chicken from the South, Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth.
A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails down to the quick was advised by a friend to take up yoga to ease her nervousness. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally.
One day her friend stopped her and -- noticing her well long, groomed nails -- asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervousness.
"No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead."