A pirate walks into a pub on the mainland with an enormous rainbow feathered parrot on his shoulder. The barkeep stares at the rather intimidating bird until he finally gathers enough courage to ask the pirate about it.
He points at the pirate and says, “Where did you get that?”
“Pirate Bay,” the parrot answers, “the place is filled to the brim with ’em!”
Two ladies are walking to their local County Fair, when it starts to rain. One says to the other, "Put your umbrella up, it's raining."
"I can't," says the other, "it's got holes in it."
"Holes in it?" the first lady asks. "Why did you bring it with you?"
The response, "I didn't think it would rain."
The morning of the big parade, a man and a little boy entered a barber shop together. "Give me the full treatment," the man said. "I want to look good in the parade!"
After the man received a shave, manicure, and haircut, he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm going to buy a new tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."
When the boy's haircut was done and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "It looks like your daddy forgot all about you."
"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, "Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!"