Harry was at his golf club and went into the clubhouse to see whether anyone could offer him a lift to Hendon. Since his own car was off the road being serviced.
“Sure,” said Carmine, “I’ll give you a lift. My Rolls Royce is just outside.”
As they’re driving along, Harry says, “Carmine, what’s that thing on the dashboard ticking all the time?”
“That’s my digital clock.”
A few minutes later, Harry asks, “And what’s that thing on the dashboard moving up and down?”
“That’s my tachometer,” says Carmine.
Then a few minutes after that, Harry starts to ask, “But what’s that….”
“Hold on a minute, Harry,” says Carmine, “I can see you’ve never been in a Rolls Royce before.”
“Never in the front seat.” says Harry.
Two old friends meet passing on the street one day. But one seemed hopeless, and almost on the verge of tears.
His friend asked, "What has the world done to you?"
The sad man said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars."
"That's not bad."
"But you see, two weeks ago, a cousin I never even knew kicked the bucket, and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear."
"Sounds like you should be grateful..."
"You don't understand!" he interrupted. "Last week my great-aunt passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million."
Now the friend was really confused. "Then, why are you so sad?"
"This week... nothing!
Two cab drivers met.
"Hey," asked one, "what's the idea of painting one side of your cab red and the other side blue?"
"Well," the other responded, "when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."