misc jokes

What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?

'C' is his first love but 'X' marks the spot!

Josh was helping Sally, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.

Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.

She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."

Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"

Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."

I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort.

"Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated."

Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer.

I interrupted and said, "Listen to me. I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?"

She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?"

Muggins: "Yes, I'm living out in the country now. It certainly has it inconveniences."

Buggins: "What do you miss most?"

Muggins: "The last train home at night."