misc jokes

Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”
The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”
Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!”
“I’m a seaman, second class,” comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.”
Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!”
There is one last reply. “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”

A woman went to her dentist to have her dentures adjusted for the fifth time. She said they still didn’t fit. “Well,” said the dentist, “I’ll do it again this time, but no more. There’s no reason why these shouldn’t fit your mouth easily.”

“Who said anything about my mouth?” the woman answered. “They don’t fit in the glass!”

An older man met an acquaintance and asked how his wife was: then, suddenly remembering that she had died, he blurted out, “Still in the same cemetery?”

Peter was telling a friend that he had just lost his job. “
Why did the foreman fire you?” the friend asked in surprise.
“Oh,” Peter said, “you know how foreman are. They stand around with their hands in their pockets watching everybody else work.”
“We all know that,” replied his friend. “But why did he let you go?”
“Jealousy,” answered Pete. “All the other workers thought I was the foreman.”