misc jokes

A third grader that got into trouble from time to time was in the principal’s office for a quiet talking to. “And Peter,” asked the principal, “how do yu like your teacher? Do you get along all right?’
“Oh, yes sir,” replied Peter. “ I think she’s the cream of the coop.”

A salesman telephone a household, and a four-year-old answered.
Salesman: May I speak to your mother?
Child: She is not here.
Salesman: Well, is anyone else there?
Child: My sister
Salesman: O.K., fine. May I speak to her?
Child: I guess so.
There was a long silence on the other phone. Then:
Child: Hello?
Salesman: It’s you. I thought you were going to call your sister.
Child: I did. The trouble is: I can’t get her out of the playpen.

At the gates of heaven, a new arrival, George, noted that there were two paths, one marked Women and one marked Men. He took the latter path and found that it lead to two gates.

The gate on the right had a sign that said: "Men who were dominated by their Wives." The gate had a long line of men waiting to go in.

The sign on the left read: "Men who dominated their Wives." There was only a scrawny little fellow at this gate.

George, before deciding which gate to go to, went over to the scrawny man and asked, “Why are you at this gate?”

The little fellow replied, “I don’t know. My wife just told me to stand here.”

To celebrate their fiftieth wedding anniversary, a couple returned to their honeymoon hotel. After retiring to bed, the wife said, “Darling, do you remember how you stroked my hair?” and so he stroked her hair. She reminded him of the way they had cuddled, and so they did. Then, with a sigh, she whispered, “Won’t you nibble my ear again?”
With that, the husband got out of bed and left the room. “Where are you going?” cried the wife.
“To get my teeth,” he said.