misc jokes

After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, Peter was hired by a warehouse. But one day he lost control of the forklift and drove it off the loading dock.
Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he’d have to withhold 10 percent of Peter’s wages to pay for the repairs. “How much will it cost?” asked Peter
“About $4,500,” said the owner.
“What a relief!” exclaimed Peter. “I’ve finally got job security!”

A professor of English and the editor of the local newspaper had many friendly arguments. One Friday evening the professor was walking out of a local club with
a bottle of whiskey wrapped in that day’s newspaper.
“Oh!” said the editor, who was walking past. “Looks like there’s something interesting in that paper.”
“Aye,” replied the professor. “It’s the most interesting item that’s been in it all week.

Did you hear about the politically correct country club?

They no longer refer to their golfers as having handicaps.

Instead they're, "stroke challenged".

Are you my caddie? asked the golfer.
"Yes, sir," replied the lad.
"And you are good at finding lost balls?"
"Yes, sir."
"Right then. Find one and let's star the game."