misc jokes

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."

The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"

Did you hear about the contortionist who passed away?

He died in his own arms.

What’s the first thing a person says when they spot a UFO or Big Foot?

"Honey, do we still have that one megapixel camera?"

1. Men are like Laxatives... They irritate the crap out of you.
2 Men are like Bananas... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather... Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders... You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like Chocolate Bars... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like Government Bonds... They take too long to mature.

9. Men are like Mascara... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.