misc jokes
Favorite this joke I took my bicycle to the liquor store the other day. I got a bottle of vodka and put it in the bike's basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell the bottle would break. So, I drank all the vodka and then headed home.
It turned out to be a really good decision, because I fell nine times on my way home.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight.
Why?
Because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
A man wants to celebrate his wife’s Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and says, "Put 'You're not getting older,' at the top and 'You're getting better' at the bottom."
The real fun didn’t start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:
"You're not getting older at the top, You're getting better at the bottom."
This guy loved living in Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy about the ferry. If you missed a ferry late at night, you had to spend the next hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan.
So, when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn't subject himself to an hour's wait. He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safe on deck.
He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn't I?"
"Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute or two. The ferry is just about to dock."
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