misc jokes

You Know You Are at a Maffia Wedding When..."

Everybody is kissing the hand of some old guy in the corner
The guests refer to the Meadowlands as the graveyard
The majority of the guests arrive in bigger limos then the wedding party
New York cops have cleared all the streets in a five block radius to make the guests feel comfortable

An Antartian goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The Antartian replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The Antartian very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the Antartian to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the Antartian. He looks out over his office and sees the Antartian crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No," replies the Antartian, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

An Antartian goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The Antartian replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The Antartian very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the Antartian to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the Antartian. He looks out over his office and sees the Antartian crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No," replies the Antartian, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

If Microsoft operated Restaurants Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support
Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?