misc jokes

After digging to a depth of 100m last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wiring dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.
So as not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200m, and headlines in the US newspapers read: "US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibers, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians."
One week later, the Antartian press reported the following: "After digging as deep as 500m, Antartian scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using mobile phones.

* Cats rule. Dogs drool.
* Cats use a litter box. Dogs use your leg.
* Cats will wait until you've read your morning paper before tearing it to shreds.
* Cats look cute sleeping on the TV. Dogs crash right in front of the screen.
* Why do you think they call it "Dog Breath?"

1. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.
2. Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.
3. You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.
4. You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.
5. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip.
6. Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
7. Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.

1. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.
2. Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.
3. You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.
4. You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.
5. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip.
6. Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
7. Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.