misc jokes

There are lots of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date...

I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.

I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you.

I used to come here all the time with my ex.

Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.

I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.

It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am.

I lost my job as a spy. I was supposed to stand in a certain location and report if anyone picked up a package left on a park bench.

It began to rain badly and not far from my location I saw a park sign with a small roof over it. I took cover from rain for the worst part, but upon return to my post the package was gone.

Apparently my supervisors didn’t like my report when I reminded them the number one rule for spies is to remain under cover at all times.

Up in Maine a motorist came across a lonely hut and interviewed the proprietor with a view to writing up the locality.

"Whose house is this?" he asked.

"Moggs."

"What in the world is it built of?"

"Logs."

"Any animals natural to the locality?"

"Frogs."

"What sort of soil have you?"

"Bogs."

"How about the climate?"

"Fogs."

"What do you live on chiefly?"

"Hogs."

"Have you any friends?"

"Dogs."