On a cross country train, one of the passengers told the Pullman porter, "I must get off in Chicago. I'll probably be very sleepy, irritable, and may even object to getting off. Don't mind that. Throw me off the train if necessary."
The train had long since passed Chicago when the passenger woke on his own accord. He stormed down the train looking for the porter. As they almost collided between cars the porter's eyes popped really big and he said, "My goodness! How did you get back on this train?"
A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana.”
When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."