misc jokes
Favorite this joke I get my cereal from a tiger, insurance from a gecko, toilet paper from a bear, financial advice from a gorilla.
It's people I don't trust.
A man was walking down the road when suddenly, a masked man jumped out from behind a bush and yelled, "Give me your money!"
"I have no money, I'm just a poor bookseller," the man replied. "Here, take my wallet and see for yourself." Upon looking inside the man's wallet, the bandit indeed finds it empty and walks off, grumbling to himself.
The next day, the man was walking down the street when the same bandit accosted him. "Give me your money!" he exclaimed. The man showed the bandit that he still didn't have any money and the bandit left again.
The next day, the man was walking down the road when the bandit approached him again. Growing annoyed and more than a little bit perplexed, the man said, "Look, you know who I am and that I have no money, so why even bother with me?"
The bandit replied, "I'm still practicing and you don't seem to mind very much."
A man walked into the community store at a remote village. "Pardon me," he said. "But I'm a bit new to this town. Where is the movie theater?"
"We don't have one." the clerk replied.
"Hmm, okay, what about a golf course?"
"We don't have one."
"Well, where's your local football stadium? Surely you must play football."
"Nope."
"Well, then what do you do for fun around here? Where do you people go fishing and boating?"
"The same place where we play football, watch movies and golf."
Three very mischievous old ladies are sitting on a park bench when they see an old man walk by. "Say, fella," the first lady says. "I bet we can guess your age."
The man pauses and looks at them skeptically. "Guess my age? that's impossible."
"C'mon, we'll show you," the second lady says. "First, we'll need to look up your nose." Embarrassed by the notion but wondering if the ladies truly knew something, the old man walks over and lifts his head, enabling them to look right up his nose.
"Okay, now stick one finger up your nose, one finger in your ear, cross your eyes and sing Danny Boy in a loud voice." the third lady says. The man then does so; the ladies muse for a few moments, before saying, "You are 87 years old."
"Why, that's incredible," the man gasps. "That's absolutely right! Tell me, how were you able to tell?" He had silently wondered how all of these seemingly random methods had enabled the ladies to find out his age.
The ladies reply, "We were at your birthday party."
Free Daily Joke