misc jokes

A sheriff walks into a saloon and shouts for everyone’s attention, “Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?!?!”

“What does he look like?” asks a cowboy.

“Well,” replies the Sheriff, “he wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper vest, a brown paper shirt, brown paper boots, brown paper pants, and a brown paper jacket.”

“So, what is he wanted for?” asks another cowboy.

“Rustlin!” replies the Sheriff.

I ran away from the hospital, it was time to go. My friend asked me, "Why did you run away from the hospital, right before the surgery?"

"I was scared," I replied.

"Why?"

"The nurse kept saying, 'Don't worry, be courageous, it is only a small operation, nothing will happen, it will take hardly 30 minutes, and so on."

"The nurse was right, she was encouraging you, that's all," replied my friend.

"Nonsense!" I began, "She was not talking to me, she was talking to the doctor!"

I have decided that I am going to stay a virgin throughout my life...

That way I can set an example for my kids.

There were two young men from the South who loved to fish and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They’d heard about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, “We’re gonna need an ice pick.” So they got that, and they took off.

In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, “We’re gonna need another dozen ice picks.”

Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn’t. He sold him the picks, and the young man left. In about an hour, he was back.

“We’re gonna need all the ice picks you’ve got.”

The bait man couldn’t stand it any longer. “By the way,” he asked, “how are you fellows doing out there?”

“Not very well at all,” he said. “We ain’t even got the boat in the water yet."