misc jokes

A cowboy is drinking at a saloon in the old west when suddenly, a man bursts through the swinging doors and yells, "Joe, Joe, your house is on fire! Hurry! Hurry!"

Upon hearing this, the cowboy rushes out the door, gets on his horse and begins riding away, before saying, "Hey, wait a minute, I ain't got no house!"

The cowboy then returns to the saloon; a few moments later, a man bursts through the swinging doors and yells, "Joe, Joe, your family has been captured by bandits! Hurry! Hurry!"

Upon hearing this, the cowboy rushes out the door, gets on his horse and begins riding away, before saying, "Hey, wait a minute, I ain't got no family!"

The cowboy returns to the saloon again; a few moments later, a man bursts through the swinging doors and yells, "Joe, Joe, you've just won a million dollars! It's waiting at the post office for you!"

Upon hearing this, the cowboy rushes out the door, gets on his horse and begins riding away, before saying, "Hey, wait a minute, my name ain't Joe!"

As a teenager I had a summer job pumping gas. One week an older guy drove up and said he wanted a fill-up. Then he got out of the car with an umbrella, opened it, and followed me around as I worked, holding the umbrella over my head to keep the sun off me. I awkwardly thanked him as he paid his tab and drove away.

A week later, he came back for a fill up. Again, he got out of the car with the umbrella and opened it, but this time he just stood there watching me work. I asked, “So you’re not gonna use that to keep the sun off me this time?” and he retorted, “Watch it, young man. Fuel me once, shade on you. Fuel me twice, shade on me!”

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 30 years without parole!

Man, that was a long sentence!