misc jokes

A man goes into a coffee shop and says, "I would like one of your special breakfasts."

"No problem," comes the reply from behind the counter.

"But I want it my way," says the man.

"What do you mean 'your way'?" asks the waiter.

The man says, "Well, I want the eggs only half done," he says. "I want the baked beans done so they are baking hot on the top and freezing cold on the bottom. I want the bacon stuck to the plate with grease, with more rind than actual bacon. I want fried bread so greasy that the grease pours out of it."

"I don't have the time to do all that!" replies the waiter.

"Well it seemed you had the time yesterday!" answers the guest.

"Why did they arrest you?"

"They said I was shopping too early."

"Well, that's not a crime. How early were you shopping?"

"Before the store opened."

Four guys are driving cross-country together -- one from Idaho, one from Iowa, one from Florida, and the last one is from New York.

After a while the man from Idaho starts pulling potatoes from his bag and throwing them out the window. The man from Iowa asks, "What the heck are you doing?" The man from Idaho says, "Man, we have so many of these darned things in Idaho -- I'm sick of looking at them!"

A few more miles, and the man from Iowa begins pulling ears of corn from his bag and throwing them out the window. The man from Florida asks, "What are you doing?" The man from Iowa replies, "Man, we have so many of these things in Iowa -- I'm sick of looking at them!"

Inspired by the others, the man from Florida opens the car door and pushes the New Yorker out.