misc jokes

The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped inches from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mister, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much.

The driver replied, "You're right. I'm sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver.
I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years".

Last night I left my dentures under my pillow by accident. The Tooth Fairy must have come by because she left me a pile of Monopoly money with a note saying, "Nice try."

There were two hunters who had never hunted before, so they took a hunters safety course. In this course it was stressed that if you ever got lost in the woods, firing three shots in the air was the universal signal that you needed help.

The very first day of hunting the two hunters became lost. It started to get dark, so one of the hunters said that they better shoot three times into the air so that someone would come help them. They shot three times into the air and waited three hours but no one came. One hunter said that they should shoot three more times. They did so and waited three more hours but still no one came. One hunter said they should shoot three more times and the other hunter said that he could not do so. With that the first hunter asked, "Why not?" The second hunter replies, "I only have two arrows left."