misc jokes

What did the traffic light say to the car?

Don't look. I'm changing.

One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, Captain Bravo's lookout spotted a pirate ship. The crew became frantic! Captain Bravo bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly colored frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumph. One of them asked the captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?"

The captain replied, "If I had been wounded in the attack, the shirt would not have shown my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid."

All of the men sat and marveled at both the courage and intelligence of such a manly man's man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching! The crew stared in worshipful silence at the captain and waited for his usual brilliant orders.

Captain Bravo gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants!"

A blonde, a brunette and a red head walk into a bar. The bartender
tells them that there is a magic mirror in the bathroom. If they tell
the truth while looking into it then they get something nice, but if
they lie then they disappear.

The brunette walks in, looks in the mirror and says, "I think that I
am the sexiest woman in the bar." And $1 million pops up in the sink.

The red head walks in, looks in the mirror and says, "I think I'm the
smartest woman in the bar." And car keys to Viper pop out of the sink.

The blonde walks in, looks in the mirror and says, "I think....." And
she disappears.

What did Dracula said about his new girlfriend?

Oh, she is my love at first bite!