misc jokes

A man boarded a train and said to the conductor, “I’m a heavy sleeper.
Please be sure to wake me at 2:00 a.m. so that I can get off in Atlanta. Whatever I say, get me up. I have an extremely important business there!” The next morning the man woke up in Richmond. He found the conductor and shouted, “Do you know how angry I am?” “Probably about as angry as the man I had get off in Atlanta,” replied the conductor

To get away from their high-stress jobs, a couple enjoyed spending weekends relaxing in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, their came up with a plan to assure themselves some privacy. When they set up camp, they placed this sign on the door of their RV: “Insurance Agent. Ask about our term life package”

A man was on the very top diving board of a swimming pool. He poised, lifted his arms, and was about to dive when the attendant came running up, shouting, “Don’t dive. There’s no water in that pool.” “That’s all right,” said the man. “I can’t swim.”

Two truck drivers came to a low bridge. The clearance sign said 10 feet 8 inches. When they got out and measured their truck, they discovered their vehicle was eleven feet. The first man looked at the other and said, “I can’t see any cops around. Let’s go for it!”