misc jokes

In 1997 at the age of 87 and not acquainted with modern technology, Ruth was given a "cordless" phone by her son. He lived 1500 miles away. After setting it up and showing her how to use it he went home and called her. "How is your new phone working, Mom." Her reply astonished him. "Oh we took it back. It wouldn't work. It did not even have a cord."

An old man walking along the river bank suddenly spotted someone drowning in the river.

They started shouting, "HELP! HELP! I can't swim!"

The old man shouted back, "Well I can't ride a bicycle, but you don't hear me yelling about, do you?"

Bubba and Johnny Ray, two good ole boys from North Carolina, were sitting' on the front porch drinking beer when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sod went by.
"I'm gonna do that when I win the lottery," said Bubba.
"Do what?" asked Johnny Ray.
"Send my grass out to be mowed," answered Bubba.

Q: Why can't idiots make Kool-Aid?
A: They can't get a quart of water to stay in the envelope