misc jokes

A speaker at Democratic National Convention asked the audience, "Are you better off now?"
The audience answered in chorus voice, "Yes."
As soon as the loud voice turned silent, a delegate stood up and asked, "How did the GOP get better off?"
The speaker declared, "We all are on the same boat, remember?"
The delegate exasperated, "Yeah, Noah's Ark - animals in couples!"

At a seminar on American Social Justice, a Civil Rights leader opined, "Anti-Americans are killing the better Americans - the likes of Osama-bin-Laden, Bernie Madoff, John Gotti, to name a few - surprising and confusing most Americans."
He further pointed out, "More surprising is the fact that Mob Wives are popular celebrities today."

Q: What kind of birds stick together?
A: Vel Crows.

A woman visited a modern-art gallery. One painting was bright blue with vivid orange swirls and the one hanging next to it was black with lime-green splotches.
The artist stood nearby, so as politely as she could, the woman said to him, "I'm sorry, but I just don't understand you paintings."
"I paint what I feel inside me," the artist replied.
"I see," the woman replied innocently. "Have you tried Alka-Seltzer?"