misc jokes

I went to the local bookstore and asked where the self-help section was. The worker said that if he told me, it would defeat the purpose.

After a vigorous workout at a local health club, Joe was finishing up his post workout shower and shave. As he was he finishing up his shave, Joe answered the cell phone after 5 rings.

He said into the phone, "I would go with the Lexus SUV rather than the KIA sedan... I think you should also go with the leather instead of the cloth interior... You asked about the 14 inch wheels vs. the 16 inch, I would go with the 16 inch... And power seats and all other power features and options... As to the color, you should pick what you like."

He then hung up the cell phone. After another minute he picked up the cell phone again and said in a loud voice so even the guys still in the shower could hear him, "HEY, DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHOSE CELL PHONE THIS IS?"

Sleep.

I don't get it either.

I was at the hospital's emergency room for a sports-related injury, and in answer to a question on the form I was given, I replied that I had a serious allergy. The nurse put a plastic band on my wrist and I sat down in the crowded waiting room.

The lady seated next to me glanced at my wrist, shock registering on her face, and then quickly moved away from me. Surprised, I looked at the band for the first time. It read "Nuts."