misc jokes

Yesterday at a job interview I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little.

"Nervous?" asked the interviewer.

I replied, "No, I always give 110%."

A man walks into a bar, sits down next to a beautiful woman and says, " Hi I'm Dave".
She looks at him and says, "I know Dave, we went to high school together".

He says, "I would have remembered you from high school."
She says, "Dave, it's me Richard. I'm a woman now."

Dave looks at her in disbelief, "Wow, well they did a good job! Did it hurt when they gave you those breast?"

"No, they just gave me some pills to make them grow bigger."
"Well did it hurt when they uh, you know, down there?"

"No, its a pretty routine surgery now, just had a little discomfort. I have to tell you the worst pain with the whole thing is when they stuck a vacuum in my ear and sucked out half of my brain."

A man was looking for someone to paint his porch. So he hired a young lady and told her what to do. After about 30 minutes, the lady came to the door and said, “I’m done.”

The man asked, “How did you get done so fast?”

The lady said, “It was hard at first, but it got easier towards the end. And by the way, it’s a Ferrari, not a Porsche.”