misc jokes

In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain how societies ideal of beauty changes with time.

"For example," he said, "take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five feet, one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she'd do in today's version of the contest?"

The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up, "Not very well."

"Why is that?" Asked the professor.

"For one thing," the student pointed out, "She'd be way too old!"

Judge asks the defendant, “Why did you steal that car, Mr. Jones?”

Mr. Jones looks down, “I just had to get to work for an important meeting.”

The judge keeps asking, “Well why didn’t you take a bus?”

Mr. Jones looks up, surprised, “Don’t you need a special license to drive the bus?”

A man dies and goes to heaven. As he walks towards the heaven, he passes by the hell. His curiosity gets better of him and he peeks inside and sees people laughing, singing, a band playing heartily and people are all dancing. He thinks to himself, "If hell is this lively, I cannot wait to see what heaven looks like."

He proceeds and walks into heaven. Heaven is all quiet, serene, birds chirping, flowers blooming, sun is shining. He looks around and sees a man sitting leisurely under a tree. He walks up to him and says, "I just peeped into hell and there everyone was laughing, singing, dancing and they even had a band playing great music. In contrast, it's so quiet in here. The man sitting says, "What did you think? Should we have hired a band here too just for one person?"

What is a Pessimist?

The real world dictionary defines a 'pessimist' as an optimist with no experience.