Latest Jokes

Five-year-old Becky answered the door when the census taker came by. She told the census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home because he was performing an appendectomy.

"My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?"

"Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the anesthesiologist!"

A lady went into a pet shop to buy a bird. She saw one that interested her. “What kind of bird is that?” she asked the salesman.

“That is a crunch bird,” he replied. Let me show you what he can do.

“Crunch bird, my paper!” the man ordered. The bird flew down and in one gulp ate up the sheet of paper.

“Crunch bird, my pencil!” The crunch bird swooped down and swallowed the pencil.

“He’s wonderful!” said the lady. “I’ll buy him.”

The lady brought the bird home. Her husband looked at the bird and wondered what kind of bird it was. He had never seen a bird quite like it before.

“That, my dear,” the wife boasted, “is a crunch bird.”

The husband scratched his head. “Crunch bird?” he said. “Crunch bird, my foot!”

Patient: "Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up... something to get me fired up and put me in a fighting mood. Did you put anything like that in this prescription?"

Doctor: "No, not in the prescription. You'll find that in the bill."