Latest Jokes

Last year I entered a marathon. The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing.

The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, "Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?"

I replied, "You really want to know?"

Then I dropped out of the race.

After sitting down, Jupiter says, "I'm the biggest planet, give me the biggest beer you have."

Saturn says, "I'm the best looking planet, give me the fanciest drink you have."

Pluto says, "I know I'm not a planet, but give me a shot!

"We have your son," said the kidnapper.

"I don't have a son," says the woman.

"Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crust off his sandwiches?"

"Oh God, you have my husband."