To increase his tips the local bartender posted the following:
PHONE NOTIFICATION FEES (ADD $1.00 TO INSERT NAME)
$1.00 HE NOT HERE!
$2.00 ON HIS WAY OUT!
$3.00 HE JUST LEFT!
$4.00 HAVEN'T SEEN HIM ALL DAY!
PAY BARTENDER UPON ARRIVAL AT BAR.
Tommy Bolt, winner of the 1958 US Open, tells the story of an incident he had during one of his golf tournaments. Bolt arrived at the golf course for the tournament and was approached by a youngster, "Mr. Bolt, do you need a caddy, sir?"
Bolt went to the caddy master and asked about the youngster. The man said, "He's a real good caddy, knows the course, the greens, and the rules of the game. But he talks a lot."
So Bolt went back to the youngster and said, "You can caddy for me on one condition, 'Don't say a word.'"
The young man accepted and carried Bolt's bag. The first three rounds went well, and Bolt was in contention in the fourth round, when an errant tee shot landed in the rough. The ball was sitting down in a bad patch of turf, with a difficult shot to the green which was well guarded by water on the right.
Bolt asked his caddy, "You think a five iron will do the trick?" The kid shook his head no, but never said a word.
"What, you want me to hit a six iron?" Again, the kid shook his head no, but did not speak.
Bolt grabbed a six iron and lashed the ball out of the rough and landed on the green, rolling to within three feet of the hole. As they walked to the green, Bolt said, "Aren't you going to say something now, after seeing a shot like that?"
His caddy then replied, "Mr. Bolt, that wasn't your ball."
A world famous movie star is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning his motivational speech to a group of businessmen, when a man walks up to him.
"Excuse me, sir, I don't want to bother you, but my name is Steve, and I'm here with an extremely important client tonight. We're going to see your speech, and it would be a great help to me if, when we walk by, you could impress him by saying, 'Hello, Steve'."
The movie star readily agrees, and fifteen minutes later, the man walks by, deep in conversation with his client.
The star comes up and says, "Hello, Steve."
Steve replies, "Not now! I'm in a meeting," and keeps walking.