Latest Jokes

"Can you stand on your head?"

"Nope. It's too high."

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.
He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants.
His meals are provided at no cost to him.

He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.
For this he pays nothing and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs and he is not required to do any upkeep.
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.

He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.
He receives these accommodations absolutely free.
He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.

All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick ... I think my dog is a member of Congress!

Teacher: Little Johnny you look sad today.

Little Johnny: Actually I’m really, really sad. My dad caught me sneaking a cookie before dinner with our new nanny cam and now I’m grounded.

Teacher: I can understand you being sad but why are you really, really sad?

Little Johnny: When I told my mother what happened she said, “What nanny cam? We don’t have a nanny cam.”

John: I worked as a veterinarian tech during the day and went to school at night to earn a degree in literature but no publisher or movie producer takes a second look at my work.

His best friend Frank: In looking over this script I see a distinctive influence in your work that may be a problem. I’ll read it and see if you see what I do… “He was quiet as a mouse; this dogged bear of a detective catty in his ways is stubborn as a mule. He has the memory of an elephant, the tenacity of a mongoose, pound for pound the fight of a rabid badger.”

John: Yes, I see your point; it’s too descriptive, right?