A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. Once, at dinner, he offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful.
The guest let out a huge gasp. When he was finally able to speak, he choked out, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who passes out a sample of it."
One of my customers at the department of motor vehicles wanted a personalized license plate with his wedding anniversary on it. As we completed the paperwork he explained, "This way I can't forget the date."
A few hours later, I recognized the same young man waiting in my line. When his turn came, he said somewhat sheepishly, "I need to change the numbers on that plate application."
An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer...
"As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say '$75.'"
"If his eyes don't flutter, say, 'For the frames. The lenses will be $50.'"
"If his eyes still don't flutter, you add ...'Each.'"