When I bought my new Corvette, my two sons asked me who would inherit it if I met my demise. I pondered the question, then told them if I passed away on an even day, the son born on an even day would get it. If it happened on an odd day, the one born on the odd day would get it.
A few weekends later, while river rafting with one of my sons, I was tossed out of the boat. As I floated in the rapids, I heard my son yelling, "It's the wrong day!"
After recess Emma told the teacher that Jillian, Stephany and she needed one more person to play foursquare but Little Johnny refused complaining he isn’t a team player.
Teacher: “Little Johnny why wouldn’t you play foursquare with the girls?"
Little Johnny: “My mother had quadruplets, ten months later she had my twin sister and me. Ten months after that she had triplets.”
Teacher: “It looks as though you have 8 siblings all within 10 months of your age at home but what does that have to do with school?”
Little Johnny: “Unlike my house there are boys at school.”
5. In the middle of smoking a cigarette, you pause for a "cigarette break."
4. Cracking your knuckles leaves you winded.
3. Morning schedule: Wake up, cough for three hours, take nap.
2. In your neighborhood, they give directions by saying, "Go down to the big pile of cigarette butts..."
1. You explain to the nurse that you didn't realize you were in a "non-smoking" iron lung.