A woman was working in her yard with the weed whacker, when she accidentally cut off the tail of her cat.
She ran screaming into the house, and told her husband, wondering what to do.
He replied calmly, "Get the cat, and the tail, and we'll take them to Wal-Mart."
She was incredulous. "How could that possibly help?" she asked.
"Well," he replied, "they're the world's largest retailer."
An airplane was experiencing engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers return to their seats and prepare for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
“All set back here, captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around handing out business cards.”