Latest Jokes

It's ten below zero one early spring day in Alaska. Pat is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab."

"Sorry," says Pat, "I'm flat broke this week."

"That's okay," says the bartender. "I'll just write your name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall."

"But," says Pat, "I don't want any of my friends to see that."

"They won't," says the bartender. "I'll just hang your parka over it until it's paid."

"Push harder!" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor.

"I hate you, I hate you more than I've ever hated anyone!" she screamed back at me.

Bit harsh I thought… it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital.

Although my daughter wasn’t much of a bowler, when her friend’s bowling team was down a player, my daughter agreed to fill in.

“So how’d you do?” I asked a few days later.

She rattled off her scores: “One sixty, one sixty-seven, and one fifty-five.”

“Wow! That’s great!”

“No… One game sixty, one game sixty-seven, and one game fifty-five.”

After numerous attempts to get our 5 year old into bed, we had settled down for the evening, only to see him coming out of his room again.

His mother, now a little irritated at this last escape, asked, "Why are you out of your room?"

Our 5 year old just looked at his mother and stated, "Poop don't sleep."