Latest Jokes

Two women realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony.

"Help, help!” yells one of the women.

"Help us, help us!" yells the other.

"Maybe it would help if we yell together," said the first.

"Good idea," said the other.

"TOGETHER, TOGETHER!"

My husband decided life would be easier if he wired a new light switch in the master bedroom to save us from fumbling in the dark for the lamp. He cut through the drywall and found a stash of bottles and small boxes inside the wall.

"Honey!" he called excitedly. "You've got to come here and see what I found!"

I ran in and quickly realized that his next task would be to fix the hole that now led into the back of our medicine cabinet.

Four cowboys are sitting on a mountain one night having a few cold ones around a campfire. One is a tuba player, one a trumpet player, one a conductor, and the last a coloratura soprano.

The tuba player tosses an empty can of Budweiser into the air, whips out his gun, and shoots it declaring, "I just killed the king of beers!"

The trumpet player, not wanting to be outdone, tosses his empty can of Coors into the air, shoots it and declares, "Ha! I just shot the silver bullet!"

The soprano, ever so demurely, reaches into her backpack, pulls out a bottle of Michelob, calmly drinks the whole thing, tosses her bottle into the air, and shoots the conductor.

Grinning broadly at her fellow musicians she says, "Guys, it just doesn't get any better than this."

SIGN ON THE BACK OF A SEPTIC TANK TRUCK:

"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises."