A woman was working in her yard with the weed whacker, when she accidentally cut off the tail of her cat.
She ran screaming into the house, and told her husband, wondering what to do.
He replied calmly, "Get the cat, and the tail, and we'll take them to Wal-Mart."
She was incredulous. "How could that possibly help?" she asked.
"Well," he replied, "they're the world's largest retailer."
An airplane was experiencing engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers return to their seats and prepare for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
“All set back here, captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around handing out business cards.”
-- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
-- Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
-- The more garbage you put up with, the more garbage you are going to get.
-- You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
-- Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
-- Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
-- When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
-- If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
-- There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
-- Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.