Latest Jokes
Favorite this joke I came home from work last night exhausted. I said to my wife, "I need my glasses checked. I'm so nearsighted I nearly worked myself to death."
Perplexed, the wife asked, "What's being nearsighted got to do with working yourself to death?"
"I couldn't tell whether the boss was watching me or not, so I had to work the whole time!"
The new Ensign was assigned to a submarine, where he'd dreamed of working since a young boy.
He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Submarine School.
The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, it's real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch."
Husband throwing darts at his wife's photo and not even a single throw hitting the target.
From another room the wife calls, "Honey, what are you doing?"
Husband: "MISSING YOU..."
Teacher: If two people told you they walked five miles in a straight line into a desert how many miles would they have walked together?
Little Johnny: They would have walked 10 miles together.
Teacher: That isn’t correct Johnny, they walked 5 miles together, so the answer is 5 miles and not a combined total of 10 miles.
Little Johnny, nope, it’s 10 miles and I’ll betcha a buck.
Teacher: You’re on! Now explain to the class how you arrived at 10 total miles. BTW, I’ll let you off the hook for the dollar.
Little Johnny: You said two people told me they told me they’d walked in a straight line five miles into the desert. How could they have told me this unless they walked backed? That’s ten miles in my book and I’m not letting you off the hook, change will be fine.
Free Daily Joke