Latest Jokes

My husband, who thinks he is always right, had just got home wearing his new orthopedic shoes when he uttered words I never expected to hear...

"I STAND CORRECTED!"

Planning a Christmas weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of things I needed to do, including taking food out of the freezer and grocery shopping. As it happened, a friend whom I had been promising to take to lunch asked if we could go for lunch that Friday.

So, hopping into the car, I taped my "to do" list to the dashboard and went to pick her up. As she settled into the car, her face dropped.

"Thanks a lot!" she sulked.

Then I glanced at my list and saw the first item: "Take out the turkey."

Words that mean what they sound like...

Counterfeiters: workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

Eclipse: what an English barber does for a living.

Eyedropper: a clumsy ophthalmologist.

Heroes: what a guy in a boat does.

Left Bank: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot.

Teacher: "How do you keep your old car running better?"

Student: "Check the prices of a new car regularly."