Latest Jokes
Favorite this joke When tempted to fight fire with fire...
... always remember that the fire department usually uses water.
1. Men are like Laxatives... They irritate the crap out of you.
2 Men are like Bananas... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather... Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders... You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like Government Bonds... They take too long to mature.
9. Men are like Mascara... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
I was at the hardware store to get a duplicate of my car key made when the store clerk said, “You’re a model?”
It was exactly what a woman in her mid-30’s wanted to hear. “Well, no, I’m not,” I said, blushing. “But, I’m flattered that...“
He stopped me right there, pointed to my car keys and slowly repeated, “Year…and…model?”
For months, Leah had been nagging her husband to go with her to the seance parlor of Madame Sadie.
"Cyril, Madame Sadie is a real gypsy and she brings the voices of the dead from the other world. We all talk to them. Last week, I talked with my mother, may she rest in peace. Cyril, for only $30 you can talk to your Zaida who you miss so much."
Cyril could not resist and at the next seance, there was Cyril sitting under the colored light at the green table, holding hands with the person on each side of him. All were humming.
Madame Sadie, her eyes lost in trance, was making passes over a crystal ball. "My medium Vashtri, who is that with you? Mr. Himmelfarb? Cyril's Zaida?"
Cyril swallowed the lump in his throat and called, "Grandpa? Zaida?"
"Ah, Cyril?" a thin voice quavered.
"Yes, yes," cried Cyril, "this is your Cyril, Zaida, are you happy in the other world?"
"Cyril, I am in bliss. I'm with your bubba. We laugh, we sing, we gaze upon the shining face of the Lord."
Cyril asks his Zaida many questions and his zaida answers each, until...
"So now, Cyril, I have to go. The angels are calling. Just one more question I can answer. Ask. Ask."
"Zaida," sighed Cyril, "when did you learn to speak English?"
Free Daily Joke