After returning from a trip overseas, my luggage did not show up in the airport baggage area. Being a frequent flyer I knew the drill and went to the lost luggage office.
I told the woman there that my bags hadn't shown up on the carousel. She smiled and told me not to worry because they were trained professionals and that I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked, "has your plane arrived yet?"
"I am overjoyed ! Soon I will be able to payoff all my loans and at last be debt free. I'm on my way to the bank, thrilled to know that in a very short while I will finally have all the money I need to begin enjoying life for once. I am sooooo excited I can hardly get my ski mask on...."
A fellow was given a dirty old lamp for his birthday. He cleaned it up and POOF, out popped a genie!
The genie said, "I shall give you three wishes. You may have anything you like."
The guy thought for a minute and said, "I would like a billion dollars."
"You shall have it," said the genie and he granted him the wish. "Anything else?"
The guy thought for a while and said, "I would like a VW Bug with A/C, power locks, power windows, an incredible radio, you know - and all the works!"
"Your wish is my command," said the genie, making the dream car appear. "What is your last wish?"
"Hmmm. I think I'll save it for a rainy day," answered the birthday boy.
"OK, suit yourself," replied the genie. "I'll wait and listen, ready to answer."
The happy guy got in his new car and drove off to show all his friends. As he turned on the radio, a familiar commercial came on and he began to sing along, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener..."
A man was sitting at the bar looking dejectedly into his bottle of beer.
“You look pretty down,” said the guy on the next stool. “Wanna talk about it?”
“I dunno,” sighed the first man. “It’s just that this time last year I had a fantastic job. I was making big money.”
“Well, that was the problem. People started noticing the bills were five millimeters too big!”