Now that I am a senior (citizen, that is) I have everything that I ever wanted as a teenager, only 50 years later.
- I don't have to go to school or work.
- I get an allowance every month.
- I have my own pad.
- I don't have a curfew.
- I have a driver's license and my own car.
- I have ID that gets me into bars and the liquor store.
- The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant.
- And I don't have acne.
One evening a grandmother was babysitting her two granddaughters Anne and Betty. Presently, 8:00 PM rolled around.
"Okay, time for bed," she informed the two children who were playing in the den.
"Why?" Anne asked (aged 6). "It's so early!"
"Your father said your bedtime is 8:00," the grandmother said.
"You don't have to listen to him," the Betty (aged 4½) replied.
"Why not?" the grandmother asked.
Betty answered, "Because you're his mother!"
A gorilla walks into a bar and, to the amazement of the bartender, orders a martini. When the bartender gives the gorilla the martini, he is further surprised to see that the ape is holding a $20 bill.
The bartender takes the $20 bill, then he decides to see just how smart the gorilla is, so he hands the gorilla $1 change. The gorilla quietly sips the martini until the bartender breaks the silence.
"We don't get too many apes in here," he says.
The gorilla replies, "At $19 a drink, I'm not surprised."