A tomato family is walking down the road.
Baby tomato falls behind.
Daddy tomato goes back and smacks him on the back of the head and says, “Ketchup!"
My boss always laughed at my jokes at work, but since the pandemic she never laughs at them in Zoom chats. I asked her why doesn't she laugh at them anymore.
She replied, "Because your jokes aren't remotely funny."
"Last weekend I ran a half marathon!”
"Well no, not really, but it sounds so much better than saying 'I quit halfway through a full marathon.'”
The police rang me today to say they've recovered our stolen sofa...
Which I thought was nice of them, since it was starting to look scruffy and faded.